Mom has TWO birth dates. Her actual birth date is Sept. 22, 1932. But, her government ID says Sept. 22, 1931 – I don’t know why. So we decided to just go along with her legal age na 87 this year. I’m sure at this stage in her life, she wouldn’t mind an added year to her age anymore. ;P

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Back when I was all skin & bones & mom had “fillings”. Ngayon baliktad na. Siya na ang buto’t balat at ako naman yung parang nakalunok ng 3 buong inahing lechon, lol! 😛

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I’ve always prayed for a long life, but seeing how Mom is now, parang ok na akong umabot ng 65 lang. At least I will leave my family with beautiful & positive memories. The Mom I see now is soooo different from the Mom I grew up with. Ibang-iba, as in night & day. Not only are her eyesight & hearing failing her, but she is also forgetting things quickly. How hard it must be to not remember if you’ve showered already, or if you’ve eaten na. She also has lapses in conversations so maya-maya paulit-ulit ang tanong. Sobrang kawawa.

I’m really at a loss as to what to do with her & for her. How to comfort her when she can’t remember what you’ve just told her a while ago. Kasi kahit i-comfort mo ng paulit-ulit, she forgets. So she is easily agitated. Yung tipong akala nya mag-isa sya, walang nag-aalalaga at pumapansin when people are in fact, right in front of her & all the resources are at her fingertips.

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Please don’t get me wrong. I didn’t put up these videos to ridicule my mom. But rather, to show you how we will ALL change one day, whether we like it or not. And how lonely & scary it is to grow old, especially when you’re on your own, widowed. Balde-baldeng pasensya ang kailangan ng mga taong nakapaligid sayo. There are times when love & care are just not enough, that it is easily replaced by hurt & anger. There is a very thin line between love & hate. Never the person, but the circumstance. </3

Sa totoo lang, naka-ilang palit na rin kami ng caregiver because it’s really hard to take care of cranky patients who are getting old & senile. Also, the simplest things -what’s so obvious to us, becomes super complicated na for her. I really feel sad & helpless whenever I’d see her this way.

In my opinion, baka nga it’s easier to take care of bedridden invalids kasi quiet lang sila. You just do your job: pakainin, paliguan, bantayan – wala kang maririnig. But with hyper-energetic senile patients bordering on dementia, madaming maaanghang na salita na kahit gusto mong palampasin, nakakasakit at nakakapagod na rin naman talaga.

Through it all, Kap has been a beacon of understanding. Santo talaga itong asawa ko. Nakakahiya mang aminin, there are plenty of times that I would just walk out kasi kung anu-ano na rin ang sinasabi – hindi ko na kaya. Nagsisikip sobra ang dibdib ko. But my husband? He is a SAINT in dealing with my Mom. And I am just so grateful for him. Nakakahiya nga kasi I have never been this patient with HIS mom. 😛

Last Saturday, mommy turned 86 87. Meaning, I had to be extra nice & extra understanding of her hehe. Here’s how we celebrated her birthday, with people nearest & dearest to her heart..

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The Grand Kitchen

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Ate is now studying about Geriatrics. Kwento nya sa akin, tuwang-tuwa sya dito sa isang lola na na-assign sa kanya somewhere in Bulacan. So very sweet, docile & kind daw. Nag-arts & crafts pa silang dalawa, and this Lola easily became her favorite.. ayan nga at may selfie pa sila diba. (Just so you know, NOBODY gets on Ate’s Instagram feed unless she REALLY likes you.)

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Pero huwag ka. When Lola went to nap, naglabasan na ang chismis. Apparently, nananakit at nanjo-jombag pala itong si Lola sa kapwa pasyente nya, hahaha. Docile & mekk my ass. Alpha si Amah! ;))

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Dear Mommy, for your birthday, I won’t wish you longer life anymore. Not for my sake, but for yours. I saw how hard life was for you during your younger days, and how doubly hard it is for you now in your old age. I just wish you good heath & more importantly, QUALITY OF LIFE in your remaining years. I don’t want you to suffer more than you already are. :'( Life has certainly not been fair to you. But one thing is guaranteed, all the happiness, love, and joy that you didn’t get in this lifetime, God will surely make up for when the time comes that He brings you home.

In spite of all, I love you Mommy. Always have, always will. <3