To my Firstborn. 19 Things I want You to Remember.

November 07, 2013

Today, on your birthday, I wanted us to do something special together.. just you & I. It’s been almost 16 years since it was just YOU & I, so I wanted to give you that. I’m hoping that somehow, I made OUR day a little more special than the other ordinary days..

And I want to thank you too, for surprising ME on YOUR birthday! <3 You never fail to amaze me, sweetheart. You never ask for anything, never demanding, always so generous & giving. You are such a blessing in my life! <3

On HER birthday, she surprised ME with a scrapbook down memory lane full of pictures of just me & her. I was too happy & delighted to cry. <3 She must have been doing this with what little time she had left from school for goodness knows how long! Thank you so much ate for loving & valuing me THIS much. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. The day God gave me you was one of the happiest in my life! :-* Happy 19th birthday my darling.

Pages upon pages of memories that I will treasure all the days of my life! <3

Page after page filled with photos of how she sees me. I love the anecdotes & nots filled with loving messages. <3

This particular entry touched me the most. This best describes our relationship! ;)

I read this on ELEPHANT JOURNAL & I found it so perfect & beautiful, my exact sentiments, that I am sharing it with you. I have added, subtracted, exaggerated, understated, tweaked, and made some revisions here & there to make it fit just right for you & I. Know that even thought they aren’t my exact words, it’s meant as if it came straight from my heart. <3

My everdearest Jana,

It’s your 19th birthday today, try as I might, no physical gift seems to be good enough for you because you are so special, and truly unique. So, I’ve decided to share some LIFE GUIDELINES for the days ahead..

1.) I hope that you never listen when someone tells you not to cry. Cry when you need to. Let it all out. You’ll feel better eventually.

2.) I want you to feel a love so strong and powerful that it makes everything else in this world appear insignificant; the way that I feel about your dad. Never settle. Love WILL come.

3.) I need you to know that I’m more aware of my own flaws than you probably think and that I’m sorry for the way that they each affect you. Thank you for being the adult in our relationship! ;)

4.) I wish, more than anything, that you always find joy in those simple things in life. How a steaming hot bath can wash away a bad mood; That you are clean and pure and never deserving of guilt; That a little mischievous fun is absolutely part of the spice of life; That hugs and kisses are the best gifts that you can either give or receive.

5.) I hope that you will always be secure in both your INNER and outer beauty. You are PERFECT the way you are, my Jangi. <3

6.) I want you to believe that you CAN succeed at whatever you aim for in life. The road may be hard to pave now, but there is always sunshine at the end of the rainbow. Believe in that.

7.) I want you to know that you already possess everything that you dream you will become; that potential and desire and effort combined will take you much farther in life than most people will lead you to believe.

8.) Breathe through the discomfort when your life doesn’t go the way that you want it to. Tomorrow will come, sooner or later.

9.) Remember, also, that you’re never too old to play or learn new things. Channel mommy! :P

10.) Consider, too, that you’re never too young to have your own independent ideas and wisdom (no matter what some people who are older than you might have you think).

11.) Don’t forget to turn up your favorite song and dance in your room, regardless of whether or not you have a dancing partner at the moment.

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,

Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey

12.) Prepare for those times when you want to shut out the world around you and go to bed for days -just make sure that when you feel like this, that you have at least one person in your life who knows to come and get you back up. I hope that your siblings will always be that person for you.

13.) Never stop dreaming and never waste one day on regrets. What is past & past. We can never bring them back no matter how hard we try.

14.) You’ll discover that some things are easier said than done, and that it often takes regular practice to learn how to empty out your previous set of luggage so that you can make room to carry your new. Literally & figuratively speaking.

15.) One thing that I’ve found helpful is to keep in mind how life’s good and bad experiences equally shape you into the person that you currently are, and that challenging people often bring with them the most profound lessons (an annoying reality, I recognize).

16.) Have faith that some things can still be true even when they lack physical proof. (And, this, you’ll have to feel out on your own, my dear.)

17.) Enjoy your own company—you’re going to be living with yourself for the rest of your life.

18.) Pick your friends like you pick your fruit—you are the company you keep. Be VERY choosy.

19.) When you get older and I’m no longer here to tell you these things and others, know that I don’t for one second believe that a love as immense and massive as the one that I have for you can merely end. Rather, your spirit and soul have migrated into every single cell of my being and this love is an energy all of its own; an energy that I know continues on even when you can’t see it or feel it or hold it anymore.

And today, on your birthday and every day of your life, know above all of this that I hold you in the most sacred part of my own self.

And you are light and you are love—and you are loved more than you’ll ever know—unless you’re blessed one day with your own tiny birthday gift (and I hope beyond hope that you are).

So happy birthday, my dearest Jana. <3 I can never give back to you what you’ve given to me, but I want you to always know how much you bring into this world and into my life. The world is a more magical place with you in it. I love you! :-*

I hope someday I’ll be able to give you all the colors of the rainbow! <3

I’m glad I found this Benefit Advent Calendar! <3 Ate likes to surprise me now & then, so this is a great add-on gift. A surprise a day starting December 1 until the 24th. That’s IF she can hold on & not open it ’til then! ;)) It’s just perfect for my Kikay princess, can’t wait to see what surprises lay in store for her.

A window concealing a small surprise to be opened one a day starting December 1! <3 Even I’m excited! ;)

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