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The Essence of My Existence

Sometimes, the kids use my jurassic laptop for homework & stuff because I have Microsoft Office & they don’t.  It’s too expensive to install 3 licensed softwares in 3 different Mac laptops. So theirs is just the Open Office which came with the laptops, and they’re not used to it.


Anyway, one day as I was cleaning my desktop from all their “junk”, I chanced upon this. And it really melted my heart! <3 

 

I’m sharing it with you so you can recognize the dynamics in our family.

 

 

 

Ate’s Essay for her religion class..

 

I look upon my life and see how truly blessed I am. Every night I thank God for allowing me to be raised by a Christian family in a Christian community. I give emphasis to the word Christian because it is through my faith, I believe, that I have found my reason to live and my reasons to keep living. I am thankful for living in a Christian community because I can have a strong belief without getting persecuted for it. And, I say Christian family because I was brought up with certain values that, I have found, are detrimental in living life to the fullest.

 

I would like to begin by discussing my reason to live. I believe in the saying that God has already planned our lives even before we came into existence. I believe that he placed certain influences in my life to direct me to the path I am on now. I believe He has taught me certain lessons to prepare me for what lies ahead. And, I believe He has allowed me to go through certain pains and hardships so that I may understand my wrongs and change my ways.

 

Throughout my life, I’ve encountered multiple groups of people that I have had the pleasure of knowing and learning from. I went from group to group, constantly changing the people I chose to surround myself with. The reason for the change, though, varied. Sometimes, it would happen naturally. Other times, it was premature. But, every time, I came out with a realization and a new perspective.

 

The first group taught me that nothing in this world is permanent except change. We can’t rely on people to be the same forever. Everyone eventually grows up and moves on. Another group taught me that real friends don’t drop you as soon as they get what they need. They taught me not to be so naive. Trust needs to be earned. Another taught me how to be strong, how to stand up for myself, and how to fight back. Only I have the power to make myself feel inferior. I learned how to be independent. Another taught me that some things are out of our control. When you can no longer hold on, to the point that it destroys you and the relationships you have with the people around you, there is nothing left to do but let go. I’ve been both the bully and the bullied. I’ve felt what it was like to have too much power and have that power get to your head. I’ve also felt what it was like to have absolutely no power, to be ostracized, to be on the outside looking in. The list goes on but it is through these humbling experiences that I have learned the real definition of respect. I learned not just to respect others, but to respect myself as well.

 

This then brings us to my reason to live. I believe that everything I have gone through in my life has a purpose, whether it be to teach, to inspire, or to apply. I have been placed in situations that could have gone totally different were it not for the things I have learned. I, too, believe that we affect the lives of everyone we meet. We unconsciously send ripples, which can turn into waves, remain ripples, or disappear altogether. We can alter the course of history with a random action. Domino effect, butterfly effect, call it whatever you want. But me, I see it as God’s carefully thought out and carried out plan for every one of us. I like to believe I was placed on this earth to change someone’s life. Maybe it was to become a doctor and save some little girl’s parent from going before his or her time? Or maybe it was to talk a friend out of a bad decision? It could even be as trivial as holding up a line at the grocery, delaying the next customer by five minutes, and preventing him from getting into a car accident.

 

By now you must have come to the conclusion that I believe in a lot of things. I believe in God, I believe in a great purpose, I believe in numerous sayings, and I believe God has placed me in this family for a reason — which brings us to my second point: my reasons for living.

 

I think I differ from a lot of people my age in the sense that I feel most complete when I’m with my family and we are complete. I don’t feel the need to go out and party to have a good time. I enjoy spending time with my family regardless of where we are or what we are doing. I do not have the need to fill an emptiness with vices. I don’t feel the need to get a boyfriend either. I’m not looking for love because my life is already filled to the brim with it. I am able to tolerate any obstacle, and I am able to push myself harder everyday because of the amazing support system I have back home. I am grateful for the parents that have been bestowed upon me. They can be all wisdom-giving one second but my best friends the next. They can act years beyond their age when they give advice, but they can also be more childish and playful than I am. This is why I tell them anything and everything. I don’t hide things from them because we’ve established a relationship with trust as a foundation. They help me face problems I wouldn’t be able to handle on my own. I am also grateful for my brother and my sister. It is because of them I am on my best behavior. I want to set a good example. Being the eldest, I pave the way so they can follow in my footsteps. They not only make me want to become a better person, but they make me a better person.

 

Together, they give me a reason to live. Together, they are my reasons for living.

I really cried buckets of tears after having read it. Sure, ate writes & expresses herself so well -better than me actually, but it’s the underlying message that really got to me. I feel so blessed & joyous to have such a wonderful, appreciative being for a daughter. We are not perfect parents, but the seeing the kids grow up so loving towards one another & towards us, so well-grounded, makes us very proud & happy.
Kap & my kids are my bestest friends. They fulfill me, and complete me. In every aspect. Yes, I devote all my time to them, but it is my choice. Just as not working or having a career is my choice. Because I want to be home, ready & available whenever my family wants or needs me. They hold top priority in my life. Everything & everyone else is secondary.

 

 

And looking at the relationship I have with them, I can’t say that I have any regrets. Where most husband & kids can’t seem to get far enough away from their family, mine can’t wait to come home to me & be with me. For me, my life is perfect as it is. It may be hard for some to understand, or relate to, but for me, family is the essence of my existence. Not friends, not work, not career, not fame. But family.

 

My daily dose of sweetness: Ate coming home with pasalubong for her mommy. <3

We have brainwaves. That same day, I saw a picture of yummy bread on instagram & coveted them.
Without me telling her, ate went to a bakeshop after school to get me freshly baked goodies to try because she also saw bloggers posting this left & right and she didn’t want me feeling left behind. :)

My yummy baked goodies made extra special because ate bought them for me. She always comes home with little surprises & I appreciate her very much. I wouldn’t trade what I have with Kap & the kids for anything in the world. <3
 
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