Hi, I’m Jane, and I’m not perfect. ;) Along with the sugar is also some spice, along with the good is also some bad. That’s my composition, love me or hate me, want me or leave me. But love & want me, I hope. After all, no man is an island, and we do well in the company of others.
I really do my best to be a good person, and be sensitive to the needs of others. Which is a good trait in a way because being sensitive, you always consider the people around you. The downside of being sensitive, though, is that I take things too personally. And believe me, that always gets me into a hot seat.
So I have thought long & hard, analyzed myself, and came up with the realization that there is always room for improvement no matter what the age. Yes, I want to be a better me. I want the 2.0 version of me, not for other people, but for myself. Knowing that if I leave this earth, I’d have more positive traits remembered than the negative ones. Wouldn’t you?
Starting today, I want to become a better me. I want to focus on just being good & positive. I want to let go of all things that ail and bother me & don’t contribute to my happiness. Life is too short to be miserable & thinking of trivial things that don’t promote growth. I just want to continue Living, Loving, and Laughing all the days of my life.
Being a sensitive person, I have a tendency to get worked up on just about anything & everything..
I’m quite the over-thinker. Say for example I don’t get a reply or acknowledgement, I feel bad & start to think that the person snubbed me. From now on, the new & improved me will think: Oh she’s busy. Baka naman naglalaba pa. ;) She’ll probably reply when she is able. Or maybe Globe is acting up again, and my message didn’t reach her. Or -oh well, she’s just not in the mood to deal with life today. I will stop myself from thinking of trivial things that don’t contribute to my well being.
I’m paranoid. If I see a quote or hear something that is very apt to what I am feeling, I automatically think it’s about me. Or an indirect hit to me even of it’s not. It took someone saying directly to my face that not everything is about me. It smarted, I have to admit. But hey, it’s true. I can be gone tomorrow & the world will still continue to revolve in its axis. So I took it as a constructive criticism, and now I’m really putting my best foot forward to change for the better. I know I’m not the center of the universe, but maybe sometimes & unconsciously, I give off that vibe.
I’m a comedienne. Sometimes, I say things without thinking. It may come off as funny to me, but hurtful to other people. So the new me wants to be careful. But you know, it’s hard to teach old dogs new tricks. So change will take time. But I am 100% committed in making the change for the better.
I’m a people pleaser. So much so that I spread myself thin. I always make an extra effort to put my best foot forward & do things which I know will get the best of me. From now on, I’ll only do something if it doesn’t mean that I have to climb & go through so many obstacles laid out my way just to make someone happy. I’ll go if it suits me, not because it will pacify someone at a cost to my own time, sanity & peace.
I’m Egocentric. Hindi ko kaya when people don’t like me. I always put my best foot forward & try to be as warm as I can because I know that’s also how I’d like to be received. Hindi ako mapakali if for one reason or another, and after so many efforts on my part, hindi pa rin ako type. :P But the new version of me won’t care anymore. I will still be friendly, but if all my attempts at making friends are still futile, then I’ll just have to accept that I can’t seep into the hearts of all. I’ll just be thankful the people who want to be my life, and wish well those who don’t want me a part of theirs. Ganyan talaga ang buhay.
I’m Sympathetic. I have a tendency to over compensate for the shortcoming of others. If I see an underdog, kumakampi talaga ako. If I see someone in need of loving & caring, I step in. Grabe ang pagka-maternal instinct ko. Kaya mga anak ko galit na galit sa akin. Pakialamerang tunay daw ako eh hindi naman ako kasali! :P I have to stop being a nanay to all.
But I also love deeply. If I love a person, I’d take all measures to make sure that she gets the VIP treatment. And that I am with her through thick & thin, come what may. Friend for life.
So yes, even at this late stage in my life, there is always room for improvement. I will continue to nurture the positive traits, but will do my best to overcome all the negative ones that ride with it. I want to be a Cheerful Charlie, not a Debbie Downer.
Love me or hate me. Want me or leave me. That’s the best I can do. But in the end, I still hope you’ll love & want me. :)