My Kids The GOppets

Heart of a Tiger

The title of my blogpost today is Heart of a Tiger. Let me tell you a little story about my not so little tigress. <3

O tiger’s heart wrapped in a woman’s hide! -William Shakespeare

My not so little Tigress has been my companion for 2 straight years since we decided to homeschool. She has been my shadow, my best friend, my eating buddy, my shopping buddy, my accomplice, my assistant, my partner in crime, my everything! I have actually been dreading the days leading to the moment when she actually has to go off to college & leave me.

It is not part of a true culture to tame tigers, any more than it is to make sheep ferocious. One way or the other, I have to learn to let go of my cub & stop treating her like a lamb.

I am such a bad & selfish mommy. My anxiety must have rubbed off on her because the 2 years that she has spent with me, I saw her grow in strength & beauty. She became independent & I can actually count on her to do some serious shizz for me. But all of a sudden, she too became extra clingy & started mentioning how she wishes she can just stay home with me. I started seeing fear in her eyes which reflected from mine.

“If we choose to walk into a forest where a tiger lives, we are taking a chance. If we swim in a river where crocodiles live, we are taking a chance. If we visit the desert or climb a mountain or enter a swamp where snakes have managed to survive, we are taking a chance.” – Peter Benchley LIFE is about taking chances.

That’s when I realized I gotta pull my shit together. I am breaking my own child because of my weakness when it comes to my family. </3

Even as a youngster, my Bae has always been independent. One time during grade school -I think she was around 10, she had me sign a waiver. She & some of her classmates & a teacher had to go to the grocery to buy supplies for school. They were going to ride the school service & she was so excited & happy.

A Tiger father begets a tiger son. Why am I even surprised that you are a little tiger cub when clearly, you take after your mommy. :) #braveheart #havecourageandbekind

But then, I started manifesting my fears to the point that on the day itself, she chickened out & didn’t want to go to the grocery anymore. I totally ruined it for her. I chastised myself for showing her my weakness when all I want is for my kids -my girls especially, to be strong & independent. Not having to rely on anyone for their disposition in life, whatever it may be.

I made a conscious effort not to do it again, and yet a decade later, a repeat! When will I ever learn, hay.

Yesterday, she came home from school, once again after so many years in tears & with a heavy heart. This is all me. I have planted a seed of weakness in her & it has grown. I have to kill it before it develops further. Before it completely destroys her.

For 2 straight weeks, I went with her & stayed in the condo while waiting 8 hours each day in a 20 sq.m. room. More for my sake really than hers. @_@ I needed to know that she could reach me any time of the day if & when she needed her mommy. Turns out, she is her own woman. I needed her more than she needed me. :P

Hehehe, my poor Bae, she had investigative reporters all over campus reporting directly to her stalker mommy! ;)) Her Kuya has been a pillar of strength (again, more for me, but also for her) as he guided her around school & assisted her in every way possible to get used to her new home for the next 4 years.

She really has a whole slew of support system backing her up. Thankful for Ate‘s BFFs PAT & ALEX who sent our dearest Bae letters of encouragement & support huhu. Pero parang yung nanay yata ang mas may kailangan! ;))

Even our favorite wonder twins, Adrielle & Adrianne, Neni’s achi & dichi, along with her ahia Benedict, came in full force & visited her in her condo (and bearing gifts too!) as a show of support. So. Much. Love!! <3 Thank you!!

I am a tiger mom, and tiger parenting is all about raising independent, creative, courageous kids. I have no choice but to embrace it. So Bae, you’re on your own na from this day forward. I followed you around campus & watched you cross the streets, but apparently, you’re more able than I give you credit for. You’re brave & strong, you never really needed me. It’s more of me needing to see for myself that my baby cub will be ok in the jungle. #amothersjob Don’t you worry, Raksha (ninang Mae ), Baloo (kuya) & Bagheera (KTcakes) will continue to watch over you in my absence, Lol.

And after 2 weeks of my ninja moves & stealth – not to mention unnecessarily worrying & many sleepless nights, I realized that you’re gonna be a-ok. You’re tough just the way I have raised you all to be (how I wish I can be tough too when it comes to you guys).

Isang hiling ko lang, wag ka muna mag-public transport please? Hindi pa kaya ng dibdib ko. Dahan-dahanin lang natin ok? ;P

Bae, always remember that you have a heart of a tiger. You are the strong one, I am the weakling. Don’t allow my fears to stop you from growing. You are your own person, don’t let me hold you back even if I beg. I know it’s time for you to spread your wings, so I am releasing you even with a forlorn heart. Be whole in my brokeness. Never let anyone hold you down, not even me. I hope you find solid friends in college who will be good to you & kind just like the ones you have back home. And that you will get to enjoy your 4 years in your new home away from home.

Thank you for being the most loving, most caring, most helpful child ever. I don’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll function without you by my side. It’s like a limb is being torn off my body slowly & painfully. Sino na ang yaya ko? Sino na ang driver ko? Sino na ang assistant ko???

Always remember my advice: 1) matutong kumain sa Mang Tootz, pero laging magdala ng sanitizer at babywipes pang punas ng kubyertos. 2) Look left & right when crossing the streets, wa pake sayo ang mga jeep kaya gora takbo -kalimutan mo na ang poise at kembot. Ang importante makatawid ka at hindi masagasaan ng mga smoke belchers. 3) English is good, but Tagalog is the vernacular in España lol. Kaya wag ka nang magpaka-conyo utang na loob. (ie: Miss can I buy 2 of those tusok-tusok thingys? or: Miss, do you have boba? Anak ibang BOBA ang version nila!) Hindi uso dun, take it from me. #alumna #alamna

ILY to the moon & back, to infinity & beyond. #mymp my darling. I’m already so proud of you but a little more won’t hurt hehe. So GO. Yan ang apelyido mo, might as well panindigan mo na. I love you my Giblings. Thank you for going easy on me & making parenting so manageable & likeable. Your growing up years have brought so much joy & accomplishment in my life. And being a stay-at-home mom has been my biggest fulfillment & dream come true. Thank you for being the best kids ever! <3

I know that Dad & I have equipped you well, so now we’ll just sit back & watch you continue to grow in strength & beauty in your journey as adults. We are behind you all the way, kids. Go with God & love each other always. :-*

And now, help me to become strong as well. I have seen for myself how independent you can be, how well you have made friends, how you can do so many things on your own without mommy. Go. Do. Be.

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  • Reply med

    Wut?!? You stay & wait for 8 hours in a 20 sq. mtr. condo everyday?!? You should have told me, niyaya sana kita sa may kanto and make tusok-tusok the fishballs! Saya iyon!!! LOL

    September 15, 2017 at 8:43 am
    • Reply Jane Go

      hahaha oo nga I didn’t realize I could’ve utilized my waiting time hanging with you sa office lol. Pero nagbagong-buhay na ako. Sa 20sqm room sa bahay na ako nagkukulonh ngayon HAHAHAHAHA! :-*

      September 15, 2017 at 9:21 am
  • Reply Candy

    Such a heartwarming and sincere post, Mommy Jane! I can feel the fear and apprehension amidst empowerment and love. Why is life full of contradiction?

    September 15, 2017 at 9:11 am
    • Reply Jane Go

      huhu kaya nga Candy. To love is to fear. But what is life without love diba? Ahuhuhu kay sakit kuya eddie. ;P

      September 15, 2017 at 9:21 am
  • Reply Lowela Vitangcul

    Hi Ms. Jane!

    I am an avid reader of your blog posts. I am a young mother of 2 boys and I see your blog as a source of inspiration in raising my children and in expressing my love for my husband.

    I just want you to tell you that you inspire so many people – more than you’ll ever know! You and your family are so blessed because you’ve brought joy to many people’s lives! So, THANK YOU! Thank you for bringing joy to our lives because of the overflowing love we feel whenever we read your blog. May you continue to share heart warming posts like this.

    God bless you and your family! ❤️

    September 15, 2017 at 3:13 pm
    • Reply Jane Go

      Awwww Lowela you made me teary with your words of affirmation. Thank you so much for appreciating & loving me & my family. I pray that God will be with you & your husband and guide you every step of the way as you co-parent your children. Love, love, love always! 💋

      September 15, 2017 at 4:56 pm
  • Reply Yeye Lim

    Hi Jane I too am a fan of your blog ❤️ I only follow a few and you’re my top 1! Like your many readers I appreciate how you open your heart and soul in sharing your family’s life stories 😊 Needless to say your blog is so much fun to read and I always wish your next entry will be longer than the previous one 😄 ( fan na fan ba? ☺️ ) I totally felt that tug in your heart as you said you were letting go of baby Jena ouch! I learned much from reading this entry, I have a 20 yr old son who is currently studying in France for 6 mos for a Junior Term Abroad he left last month. He wanted to study abroad for college but I couldn’t bear to let him go I was scared for him and I had so many what ifs so I said promise I will allow you to go for the JTA on your 3rd yr knowing it will only be for 6 mos. My husband thinks I was being selfish not allowing my son to study abroad for college and I admit I was but I couldn’t let go :(( …I was sad as August was approaching but I couldn’t back out I gave my word … I cried buckets but now 3 wks since he left and having visited nearby countries even before their term started and more getaways coming on weekends I feel so happy and excited for him 😄 I miss him terribly but he vibers often updating us on their activities ( he went with 10 other friends and live in an apt) I know that this experience is one he will forever treasure ❤️ Sorry for the long narrative haha. Thanks for reading. Looking forward to your next entry. 💗 Thank you Jane you inspire me truly to be a better mom to my 2 big forever babies and a better wife to my hubby lovey 😍

    September 16, 2017 at 2:36 am
    • Reply Jane Go

      A great big hug to you Yeye, from one sepanx mom to another hehe. Thank you so much for sharing, I so appreciate it & take your words as wisdom. I think we will always see our children as babies, but that’s ok because it just means we love & value them. Thank you too for your words of affirmation. I really value my readers’ opinions & I take all your comments & suggestions to heart. I am deeply touched by your love & support. I hope I get to meet you & thank you in person and also exchange mommy esperiences with you haha. Mwah! :-*

      September 16, 2017 at 5:25 am

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