My Mom has gone through so much the past year. It’s only by God’s grace that she is still with us after a massive stroke last November. Not the same old mom, but my Mom just the same.
All her life, she’s been on the low side of the happiness meter. Sya ang babaeng walang kaligayahan. Her life was full of hardships & misery. Always the one taking care of people, never the one on the receiving end. Siya din ang dakilang martyr – tagasalo ng problema ng bayan, at ang pambansang utangan.
I remember days when I prayed to God to allow me to take care of my mom naman for a change kasi awang-awa na ako sa kalagayan nya. I would look at her & ask God to give me a chance to return the favor one day. This intensified when she suffered a stroke & I thought she would leave the earth na hindi man lang nakatikim ng ligaya at ginhawa. Then God answered my prayer & gave me back my mom. Now she lives with me, and because of God’s mercy & blessings, has a more relaxed lifestyle free of worries. And even though she gets on my nerves more often than not as moms are wont to do, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m happy to pay my dues.
My mom & I are not close, we’ve never been close the way I am to my children. Leave us in a room together & we have absolutely nothing to talk about. Moments filled with idle, impersonal chats & awkward silence in between. Maybe because of the almost 40-year age gap between us. My kids & I banter, laugh a lot, keep company & prefer our tight little clique over others, are touchy-feely with each other & frank to a fault. We’re more like siblings in that sense I guess. No holds barred. With my mom, it was old school, less affection, less affirmation, less communication. Bawal sumagot, bawal mangatuwiran. Ganyan yata sa chinese family or sa mga ka-generation ko? I feel that the Gen-X now are more demonstrative & communicative. Nag-level up na.
Then there’s also the sibling rivalry aspect. I guess the guys will always be mama’s boys & the ladies will always be daddy’s girls – that’s just how it works. Sorry nalang ako, wala akong Daddy growing up to make me feel like a princess, to spoil me, shower me with affection & love me to bits. Inggiterang frog akong tunay! :P
In my youth, I’ve always felt I was outside looking in. It’s only when I had Kap & the kids in my life that I felt I truly belonged. Even now at my age, feeling ko napaparusahan pa rin ako for the happy family that I have. Just because I have it going for me doesn’t mean I need her love & care any less, or just because I am always here for her doesn’t mean I don’t get tired being cast on the side all the time. But I understand. Whichever child needs the most affection & attention will get it.
When Ate left our trip to go back home, those 2 weeks were filled with Ate this & Ate that. My thoughts were consumed with her. My 2 remaining kids were probably sick & tired of me worrying about Ate who was not with us. I guess it’s the same way. A mother’s heart is never at rest knowing not all her chicks are safe, sound, and happily chirping in their nest.
Even the shepherd, when he lost one from his flock, he went out to look for it. Matthew 18:12 “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? Mahirap lang talagang tanggapin. I hope that I will always be fair to all my 3 kids. Being only human, I’m sure I won’t. But I want to be, I will strive to be.
In spite of everything, I will never question my mom’s dedication to us. And for that, I will be forever grateful. She raised us singlehandedly & the best she could, the best she knew how. Wala namang magulang na perpekto, kahit ako, madami ding pagkukulang bilang Ina. We just try the best we can & learn along the way.
Mom, happy 85th birthday. We may not be close, we may not have the ideal mother-daughter relationship, but I will always, always thank you for all the sacrifices you made for us. Hindi biro ang pinagdaanan mong buhay. And even though we don’t get along, even though we are not each other’s favorite person, I will always, always love you.
How I wish that you can have happiness in your life & joy in your heart, even at this late stage. But maybe it’s really not meant for you to experience those in this lifetime. Maybe it is your cross to bear. But I am comforted in the fact that God has plenty of custard pies up His sleeve for you when the time comes. And although that time is inevitable, I pray that He will still give you more healthy years here on earth to spend with the family.
Spectrum Raffles Makati
Matthew 7: 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.
Dear heavenly Father, thank you for my loving mother. Thank you for all the things she has done and given, not just to me but also to my children.
I pray that her days will always be filled with good things and happy moments. Lord, please put a smile on her face and let her bring cheer to those she meet. Let her life shine with Your love.
I thank you for your promises for her life. Thank you that You are her rock, her fortress, her deliver, her healer, her shield, and her strength. Thank you that she is filled with Your love, peace, joy and strength every day. Thank You that You are with her, and for Your promise to always take care of her.
Mom, God rejoices in your life. He believes in you, watches over you, and tenderly keeps you in His constant care. You are so valued and loved! May our good Lord reveal His many blessings He has in store for you in the beginning of this another year!
I love you Mom, happy birthday! :-*
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