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I’ve always tried to put boundaries on friendships. Money is definitely #1 on my list of no-no’s. I want people to like me for who I am, not for what I can give them. If at the onset of your relationship, you are approached right away with her financial woes & worries, then sayonara baby. She is definitely not there for your friendship but sees you as her personal ATM. Wala na ngang deposit, puro withdraw pa. It’s better to keep away & cut your ties sooner than later.
But then again, if this friend is from way back & is just now experiencing difficulties, and she has proven loyal & true to you, maybe you can spare a few & “donate”. After all, that’s what friends are for -in good times AND in bad.
I’m afraid there’s n sugar-coating topics like this. You can’t possibly put a line, have it crossed, and not have the friendship end. People are built to be emotional. And being honest is as offensive as it can be. So you have to choose one: save your money, or save your friendship.
Life is like a wheel, it keeps turning. One day you’re on top of the world, the next you’re at the lowest of lows. And this is how you know your friends are real, they are there for you in your ups as well as downs. If like you say, you have some extra bucks to go around, then helping out a few times won’t hurt. BUT, if your friend seems to abusing the perks of your friendship, then stop with the financial aid immediately and learn to say NO (tough, but a must).
Here are some tips that may help (source: wikiHOW)..
Decide if you want to lend the money. Just because your friend is asking for a loan doesn’t mean that you have to say yes. Think carefully about whether this is something you feel comfortable doing.
How is she with money? If your friend has never been in financial trouble and always pays bills on time, you can probably feel secure in loaning her some money to tide her over. But if this is a friend who is constantly in debt and always a few dollars short whenever you go out, you may want to think twice about lending to him or her.
How much does your friend want? Lending money is a risk. Even if your friend is completely trustworthy and has every intention of paying you back on time, something unexpected could come up. So you should never lend more money than you can afford to lose. If you would be unable to meet your own financial obligations if your friend didn’t pay you back on time, then you can’t afford to lend the money.
Why does your friend need the money? You are entitled to some information about what it’s for and why your friend is short on funds. If your friend needs money to cover a one-time unexpected emergency, you know you probably won’t have to worry about your friend needing to borrow money from you again. But if your friend just blew a bunch of it on expensive luxuries and can’t cover the bills, you have less assurance that your friend won’t be back in a few months with the exact same problem.
State your repayment terms clearly, and apply your terms, regardless of the amount loaned.
Decide how much and how often payments are to be made, and then keep to that schedule. Then discuss what happens if a payment is missed. While you probably hope that you will be paid back on time, it’s better to figure out what you will do if your friend can’t make a payment ahead of time than trying to work it out when it happens. This way, you will both be clear on what to do if anything prevents you friend from paying on time.
Encourage your friend to let you know if there is a problem. Breakdowns in communication can be very damaging to your friendship. You may feel like you have to be “the bad guy,” reminding your friend that a payment has gone past due, or you might assume that your friend is trying to get out of your agreement without paying. Realize that your friend may feel ashamed or embarrassed about not being able to pay you back on time and make it clear that you want to be told right away if something comes up.
If you are asked to loan a sum larger than you can afford to lose, you could ask for some type of collateral in exchange for you lending them money. The safest way to do this is to specify how long after failure to pay as promised you will wait before selling the collateral item to satisfy the debt. Put it in writing. You don’t need a lawyer. Just write it down and both of you sign it and date it.
Follow up in a businesslike way. Make a note in your own calendar to remind your friend a couple of days ahead of when the first payment is due. After that, wait to see if your friend pays on the due date without the reminder. If not, call her the following day and remind her that the due date has passed. Ask when you might expect payment, and let her explain the delay. Once you’ve heard the explanation, set a new date for the payment.
One of the nice things about lending to a friend is that, hopefully, you can be a little more flexible than a big, faceless corporation. However, if your friend is taking advantage of your good nature, you will not be helping her or your friendship by letting your friend slide.
If your friend keeps giving you the run-about even after several attempts on your side to reach her, you may be best off to consider that money gone and just resume your friendship, resolving never to “loan” her any money in the future. OR, you may need to face the fact that you are going to have to end your friendship. Someone who doesn’t treat you well after being given a favor doesn’t deserve to be in your life!
I believe in the saying “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Sometimes helping your friend get a job, even part-time is better because it’s a long-term solution. I do hope my 2 cents worth helps!
Dear readers, if there is anything you would like to add, feel free to do so on the comment section below. :)