Dear Ms. Piggy,
I’m a young professional, and after being bullied all my life & having frenemies for friends, I really thought I was over THAT stage when I came to the workplace. But then, I find out it just follows you wherever you go, whatever stage in life you may be. I can proudly say that I’m a good friend. But why is it that I attract frenemies? I can’t seem to find one who is loyal & true. Any tips?
“Frenemy” (less commonly spelled “frienemy“) is a portmanteau of “friend” and “enemy” that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but also a rival. The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical, and commercial relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions. The word has appeared in print as early as 1953.
You’d be surprised that even at my age, I still encounter frenemies. You know, that one person who tries to upstage you at every turn. One who takes control of the table conversation & purposely not include you, making you feel awkward sitting there gaping while they talk for hours on end?
A frenemy is one who, in a group of 3, makes you feel like the odd man out and often invites the other to go places, leaving you behind. And worse, talk & laugh about you behind your back. Or people who know you will get hurt or embarassed by a certain action but still does it in spite of, because they delight in your discomfort?
Frenemies insult you in the guise of jokes but deep in their heart & mind, mean it. They laugh AT you, not with you. They put you down in front of many, instead of taking you aside to call you out. And yes, even though it sounds shallow, Frenemies let you “like” ALL their posts on social media but don’t do the same courtesy for you simply because they want more hits than you. And you notice because they “liked” & commented on everyone else’s post except yours?
Frenemies are “friends” who know you’re sick, problematic, or worried about a crossroad in life but don’t even care to drop a line or two to ask how you are, or how they can help. Are we synced on the same page yet? :))
I’m also guity of being one, to be perfectly honest. I guess it’s because selfishness is innate. We have to always be the better one. The one on top. The one admired & appreciated. The focus of attention.
True friends are but a handful. You may be with certain people all the time and still not be friends but merely tolerating each other for the sake of companionship or being pushed together in a group. You can eat together every day, sit together, talk all the time but that doesn’t necessarily make you friends. You’re chika-mates at best. Together in good times, but on your own at the time you need them the most.
True friends are people who put up a photo in Facebook where the 2 of you look good, and not just her. Or photoshops your flabby arms to make them look toned because she knows you’re vain. True friends save you seats when you ask them to. And go the extra mile of asking the waiter for your drink or meal when everyone in the table has one and you don’t.
And again, shallow as it may be, a true friend is someone who, despite the ugliness, blurriness, incessant flooding, and irrelevance of your photos on social media “like” your posts a gazillion times over simply because you posted it & it means something to you. And knowing perfectly well it will make you happy.
My advice? Just like the “unfollow” & “delete” buttons, learn to use it. Life is too short for you to keep getting affected. So what if they are out of your life for good, wouldn’t you actually be better off?
In a world where “I” is more important than “U”, good luck finding a true friend. But when you do? Treat her right & never let her go. For a true friend is a treasure.