My Kids Others

Nowhere Safe (Bullying)

I just recently watched the movie NOWHERE SAFE. It’s about BULLYING. Read more about it on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NowhereSafeMovie

After two girls cruelly impersonate her online in a “reverse cyber bullying” plot, Ashley’s reputation is ruined and she and her mother flee a growing threat to their lives. Starting over at a new school, romantic interests and the poignant lessons from an eccentric history teacher draw them out of seclusion until they realize confronting a hurtful past is essential to ensure a brighter future.

nowhere safe

The crying due to anguish, hurt, and helplessness in the girl’s eyes got to me. Bullying is a serious offense.

You might think that it’s such a shallow high school story, but I assure you, there is nothing silly & superficial in bullying. It’s a horrific, horrendous experience that cuts deeper than a knife & leaves you traumatized when you’re at the receiving end.

It brought back so many painful memories. Memories that I vowed to keep under lock & key because nothing good came out of it. It brought endless days of torment & nights of fitful crying. I was glad when that phase was finally over and the one I loved more than life itself finally got to move on. Now, it’s just a distant memory. A nightmare that we have surpassed.

What causes bullying? Girls do crazy things when angered.. or jealous. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She may stand in your line of vision looking all sugary, spice and everything nice, like an angel sent from heaven above. But deep down, she is all villain in its black splendor & glory.

Goodness is not innate. There is a little bit of a mean streak in each of us. There are people out there who loves to watch people suffer. A thought – why do you laugh when a person falls instead of showing mercy & compassion -or even lending a helping hand? Yes. There is a little bit of badness in each of us, some just more than the others.

There may be some of you trapped in this situation with no one to talk to. Take this from me. Learn to fight back. I didn’t want to open this can again, but THIS IS SOMETHING REAL. It’s been listed down as far back in history and it’s not going to stop by just closing your eyes, wishing it away. And I will not keep my silence if it will help even if it’s just one person, even it’s just one reader who may be experiencing one of life’s shitty obstacles.

After watching it, my heart was completely covered in hate with all the memories. I wanted to strike back. I wanted to lash out. But then again I thought, I should turn this awful experience into something good. And so here I am, writing this. Telling anyone who would listen that bullying stops only when you’re the better bully. It’s against all norms, all that we were taught not to do. But speaking from experience, this is what works. You have to fight back & show that crazy person that YOU are crazier. That’s the only way to make the bullying stop. Away with the turning of the other check because believe me, even though it’s biblical, it gets you nowhere.

And as a mother, I MUST SAY THIS. Do not be dismayed. There is ALWAYS a choice! There is always a way out. THINGS WILL CHANGE. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Bullies prey on the weak. So no matter what you do or what you feel, you must not acknowledge fear.

As an adult, bullying is still rampant. It doesn’t go away so you have to fight back. It’s now or never. You’d think that at my age, everything is in its place. You are sadly mistaken. It is not. I have also just recently experienced bullying by a crazy woman out to protect her best interest. Even after we have shown kindness & respect. I tried being the better person. I tried doing what was expected of me. But that proved futile. She harassed us and threatened us. She maligned us & spoke ill of us. She touched my family & came in close contact with them. That was when I decided to show my fangs. No more Mrs. Nice Gal. And guess what, it worked. She stopped.

But one thing about bullies, they feed on meanness because they are insecure. They act superior, that no one is good enough for them, but deep down, they are empty shells. So even though they stop for a while, remain steadfast because when you least expect it, they will be on the rise, meaner than ever. So you have to always be on the watch. Do not let your guard down. A cheetah doesn’t change its spots. Do not be tricked into thinking that people change.

Parents always say ignore and and it will go away. Sadly I have to say, NO – It won’t. You have to fight. Fight with your last breath and show that it is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE. You are valuable. You are worthy. No one can just cast you aside and talk to you any way they want.

Being a mother, I’ve always thought about doing the right thing, setting a good example. But when calm words & tactfulness didn’t cut it. I had to unleash my evil side. One that I’ve managed to hide for so long, and I set it out with all my fury. I will not step back and let ANYONE touch or malign my family.

Sometimes. Being educated doesn’t mean it automatically makes one a good person. You can be a doctor in high standing, you can be a nurse with a good name in the community, but if you lack compassion and decency and treat the rest like inferior, you are no different than the average, regular scum of the earth.

In life, you make sacrifices. Not so much for yourself, but for your family. You try to swallow that bitter bile because it’s what makes your family happy. So you detract your fangs, you withdraw your claws, and keep quiet. But one more false move, HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE.

True, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But remember, my dear liliput. I too am a woman. And on top of that, I am also A MOTHER. Hear me roar!

keep-calm-and-don-t-mess-with-the-pig

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23 Comments

  • Reply Noel Q.

    Kilala ko ba yan, Jane? hehehe…

    My niece was also bullied before when she was in grade school. There were korean students in her school and they acted like they owned the place. And these were boys ha! My family was incensed! We attacked on all sides. We taught my niece to fight back, verbally, physically, psychologically. My sister lodged complaint after complaint with the school. We also took to social media to expose the matter. We were solidly behind my niece when there were activities at school, giving the evil eye to the students concerned and their family. We talked to the other parents whose children were also bullied (there were a lot) and encouraged them to air their grievances as well. In the end, the school relented and separated the foreigners and didn;t allow them to interact with the other students.

    Teka, Jane, sino yan??? Kilala ko ba? Spill! hahahahaha

    December 11, 2014 at 8:12 am
    • Reply sugargospice

      hahaha hindi mo kilala Niel! ;)) Yes, bullying should be dealt with appropriately. Hindi talaga dapat pinapayagan yan. OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!!! ;))

      December 11, 2014 at 8:35 am
  • Reply Kei Aclaro

    Way to go, Ms. Jane… I have been through the same ordeal from elementary, high school, college (allCatholic schools) up until I worked abroad(all because those people hate me for being Ms. Goodie-Two-Shoes daw). The reasons are insane! During elementary, palagi ginugupit ng kaklase kong lalake yung mahaba kong buhok. It’s not just a little snip huh but talagang everyday, long locks of hair would be cut off and tumigil lang yun nung sinuntok ko sya at nagka blackeye sya kasi ayaw nya talaga tumigil. Hahaha! During HS naman, the popular girls at school started bullying me when I joined a local pageant to represent our town. Nag continue on yun until mag college kami all because I was able to get into UST. Pathetic reasons right? Inggit and masaya lang siguro talaga sila na nagtatanim sila ng fear sa ibang tao kaya ganun.

    But I always fight back because my parents thought us ever since we were little to learn to defend ourselves and fight back when needed. Now that I am a mother, I will teach my son the same thing – don’t let anybody bully you and be open if ever you are being subjected to it because hiding it from your parents or being in denial that it’s happening won’t help stop it. Hell hath no fury like a tiger momma scorned! Hehehe…

    December 11, 2014 at 8:51 am
    • Reply sugargospice

      Hay naku Kei. Those insecure bullies should be put in their proper place. Mga inggitera to the max & the only way they feel good about themselves is to put other people down & watch them be miserable kasi nga miserable din sila. Tama yan teach your son to fight back. We all have equal rights in this world. Pantay pantay lang tayo sa paningin ng Diyos. Thank you for sharing. I hope those being bullied with no support system will learn to fight back!

      December 11, 2014 at 9:06 am
  • Reply michconstantino

    I had a different kind of bullying: I was called as my teacher’s jowa – for being close to him and for getting highest grades whenever he’s my prof… 4.0 to be exact back when I was in college (nahulaan niyo na ba kung san? :p) but I kept silent.. .only because alam ko kung ano totoo and what makes me happy…pero minsan gusto ko din magsalita… but basically I kept silent because the teacher happened to be the one who saw me through programming contest/writing competitions.

    December 11, 2014 at 10:01 am
    • Reply sugargospice

      Jealousy always triggers bullying. What they don’t have, they replace their insecurities with meanness. I’m glad you got over that phase na.

      December 11, 2014 at 12:31 pm
  • Reply candy

    Woah, Mommy Jane, I now see the “spice” in you and I love you nonetheless! What a feisty woman will do for her family?!

    Does this mean I am a better bully because I didn’t, don’t and won’t allow anyone to look down on me (and my family)? Subukan Lang nila. Hehehe

    Sad noh but that’s really the reality. Basta, wag Lang tayo ang magumpisa Ng bullying di ba?

    December 11, 2014 at 10:16 am
    • Reply sugargospice

      ahhaha yes I’m definitely not all sugar. Mabait ako pero huwag magkakamali because I am one crazy piglet. Oink! ;))

      December 11, 2014 at 12:32 pm
  • Reply KassTastrophic

    I was both bullied and a bully. I am not defending what I did in my (much) younger days but in retrospect, I think I bullied other people because I was also bullied. Later on, I used those experiences to defend those who could not defend themselves.

    While I think it is a part of a person’s young life, it is not necessary nor should it be expected.

    And yes, there is a streak of meanness in everyone. Schadenfreude!

    December 11, 2014 at 12:56 pm
    • Reply sugargospice

      Kap always tell the kids nga na mas mabuti daw sila ang bully kesa nabu-bully hahaha! I guess when it comes to our loved ones our desire to protect becomes stronger than what is taught to us na magbigay at magpasensya.

      December 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm
  • Reply Jing

    I agree, Mommy Jane,sometimes fighting back will stop it..Last year, my daughter, who was only 7 had a mean classmate. Kinukurot and says mean words to her. Buti nagkwento. Kala ko kasi dati away bata lang..hmm,ang dugo ko umakyat sa tuktok, kinausap ang teacher and surprisingly, she asked me to allow my daughter to fight back kasi sobrang bait daw ng anak ko. So that’s what I did but reminded her not to start any fight. Ayun, one day,nung inulit mangbully,, tinulak at muntik mahulog sa service van yung bata. From then, hindi na umulit…nakakalungkot lang kasi sobrang bata pa, marunong na mang bully…I also agree na ang mommy, lalabas ang pagiging maldita pag may nasaktan sa mga anak o mahal nya sa buhay.Pag nakikita ko yung bata, sarap tirisin,tinitingnan ko talaga ng masama (silently roaring mom lang po) hehehe

    December 11, 2014 at 1:19 pm
    • Reply sugargospice

      hahaha Jing! :)) But sometimes really it’s best to give them a dose of theirown medicine. Kalungkot lang nga why even young children can be so mean. May coz apples don’t fall far from the tree?

      December 11, 2014 at 1:28 pm
      • Reply KassTastrophic

        Pwede din kasi they also get the feeling of helplessness themselves (the young bullies). Pwedeng bullied sila sa bahay (either by siblings, by parents, or other family memebers), or they are acting out for attention (baka neglected child sya and the only way he can get attention is pag kakausapin/papagalitan sya ng parents for bullying).

        Again, I am in NO WAY condoning bullying pero minsan, lalo sa bata, hindi lang sya simple case of a mean streak manifesting. Most of the time, there are deeper reasons.

        But after the age of 7 (aka the age of reason), these kids should be aware that they have a choice and exercise it. If they continue to bully, dapat lang sapakin na yang mga yan!

        December 11, 2014 at 2:39 pm
        • Reply sugargospice

          I couldn’t have said it any better haha! :-*

          December 11, 2014 at 5:29 pm
  • Reply michymichymoo

    There was a short time that I felt I was bullied by people I thought were sincere to me. Turns out they’re not. Keber lang. Bahala sila sa life nila. :P

    December 11, 2014 at 2:04 pm
    • Reply sugargospice

      We have to look for people & things that will make us happy. I believe all things happen for a reason. :-*

      December 11, 2014 at 5:29 pm
      • Reply michymichymoo

        Yes, Mama Bear. I believe that too. :-*

        December 11, 2014 at 6:16 pm
  • Reply med

    “Kapag inapi ka, SUNTUKIN MO!”
    Iyan ang payo ng asawa ko sa anak ko.
    Hahahaha!

    December 11, 2014 at 11:21 pm
    • Reply sugargospice

      Tama! I agree wholeheartedly hahaha! OMG meding what kind of parents are we??? ;))

      December 12, 2014 at 12:07 am
      • Reply med

        BULLY PAYRENTS?! Nag-iipon na ako ng pang-piyansa. LOL

        December 12, 2014 at 5:20 pm
        • Reply sugargospice

          hahahahaha! Korak! Mas mabuti na tayo ang mang-api! ;))

          December 12, 2014 at 5:20 pm
  • Reply edelweiza

    What an enlightening, brave and moving post! While I have never been bullied, I feel for those who have been victims of bullying. I agree that the best thing to do is to fight back, to let the bully know that he/she can’t go on like that. That it’s unacceptable and plain mean. I can say I’m kind, but only to those who are kind to me. I have this tendency to reciprocate. If the person is good to me and I can feel his sincerity, I go the extra mile to be better towards him/her. Mahaba ang pasensya ko but I think may mean side din ako pero naka-reserve yun sa mga naturally mean na tao lang. :)

    December 17, 2014 at 4:26 pm
    • Reply sugargospice

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Edel. I think it’s self preservation. For us to strike back when needed.

      December 18, 2014 at 12:01 am

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