Kap & I, we don’t always see eye to eye. But because we love one another, we make our marriage work. Oh yes, marriages DO need work. It’s not all just a bed of roses, and no marriage is perfect because it’s a union of 2 very different people.
Take me & Kap. I’m a highly emotional, very sensitive drama queen. Kap is Mr. NR. No reaction. Everything is A-OK with him while things are overly dramatic at my end. He has fun with chaos. I like things in order, peace and quiet.
One example of our differences is Taal. Yes, the lake. He is a guy & he likes to do macho stuff.. like tinkering with his speedboat & wake-boarding. He loves nature & the sun. I HATE THE SUN. I’m fair-skinned & I like to stay that way. Also, I don’t like sweating. I don’t like the sticky, icky feeling. Thirdly, I don’t like nature & the creepy crawlies that are a part of it.
Just last week, Kap & I had a small, manageable LQ because he wanted ALL OF US to go on yet another trip to Taal. I’ve told him so many times on so many occasions that he & our son can go ahead and we 3 girls will just stay home. But no, he wanted all of us to go as a family with a couple of other families.
Now 1 thing you need to know about me, I don’t do well with stress, especially when there are other people around. I cant’ be plastic & show a calm exterior for a long time, I’m bound to POP at one time or another. And there is sure to be
some stress a lot of stress involved when in a big group. I need to be able to do my own thing & not just follow. I’m an alpha mom, ’nuff said. Put me in with a bunch of other alpha moms, it’s not going to work out so well. They’re gonna want to do a bunch of stuff their way & I’m gonna want to do stuff my way. I’m not a really a follower. So I’ve always stressed that to Kap. I can handle tension in small doses, but not when there are so many people around. But no. He’s a people person & every time we go places it has to be with a big group.
Now imagine a BIG group, some whom you don’t know from Adam, some you don’t particularly like, with 1 table and not enough seats for all, 1 group meal with less chicken legs that there are human legs, 1 shower, 1-2 boats with everyone wanting a go at the same time. Imagine a BIG group with kids of all ages, not just big kids but small kids as well who were brought up differently than your own kids. Yeah, that’s not something I really enjoy. Not on a cooler weather, definitely not on a hot, humid weather.
But Kap can adapt. So I always tell him GO. Enjoy. But don’t take us with you because my girls & I have the same temperament. No. He insists that we go as a family. I already know what will happen. Which is what ALWAYS happens. He will be forced to rent a room for a day mid-day because I need aircon & he will see it in my face. Definitely. My smile starts thinning when I’m not comfortable and I interact less & less with the people around me. He will resent me for the extra expense he has to shell out. Plus, once I go in that wonderfully air-conditioned room, there is NO WAY he can get me back out to civilization. NO EFFIN’ WAY. And my 2 girls will hide with me as well -until the end of time. They also don’t do well with heat & creepy crawlies & people they don’t know (or like). So it’s pointless to take us, really.
Then, I will bug him what time we can go home. He would insist on staying at the last possible moment because he paid for the room & he wants to get mileage out of it. Story cut short, we go home not talking with us 3 girls not having enjoyed the day & the 2 boys not enjoying as well because of our attitude.
So a day before the inevitable, I tried talking to him again, but he got so angry & he didn’t let me finish my sentence. #1 rule in marriages is never get angry at the same time. I know it sounds impossible. But when a partner is already in a heated state of mind. Do your best to keep calm. Do not answer back. SHUT YOUR MOUTH even though you want to say things badly. So I let him cool down. And since I can’t get through to him with talking. I texted him & carefully explained (AGAIN) why we girls didn’t want to go. I swear, it’s the same every freakin’ trip I don’t know why he still doesn’t get it. I told him he hurt me when he cut me off & raised his voice in front of the kids. This way, he gets to read the entire message and my main concerns without cutting me off mid way.
He called me right after to apologize. (of course there was some ugly cying on my part for assurance that I will get my way) And I was of the hook. :P It’s just a matter of finding the best time to get the message across -a little MANIPULATION, if you may. If I insisted on what I wanted right there & then, my best shot would have been for naught & there would have been a big fight. But because I “let him” win round 1, I emerged victorious in the end hehe. Wives, TAKE HEED! ;))
MORAL LESSON OF THE STORY: Choose your battles wisely.
Dear friends, I am thinking of doing a regular DEAR MS. PIGGY and LOVE, MS. PIGGY series every Saturday & Sunday respectively with bits & pieces of marital advice such as this one. No photos though -just my thoughts & unsolicited advice. :P What are your thoughts on this please? Is it something you would enjoy & that I should push? I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage, but hey, Kap & I are on our 20th. So we must be doing something right, right? :)
This is to veer away from the regular food posts which I think you are sick & tired of, lels.
If there is anything at all that you want to ask me for advice on, or area in your marriage that you want to pick my mind about. Please email me at SUGARGOSPICE@GMAIL.COM to be part of the DEAR MS. PIGGY. Please do support me on this as you have always supported me in the past.
Love, Ms. Piggy.